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How to deal with conflict with a friend.

A conflict with a friend or colleague at work is always a complicated time to manage. On the one hand, our emotions of the present moment push us to want to raise the tone, to make reason heard, and to dominate the conversation. But on the other hand, our goal and our memories with the person push us to want to make concessions and resolve the conflict.

And in the middle of all this, you feel anguish weigh you down, your confidence fades, and you start fighting your stress. Some people have become allergic to conflict and try to avoid them at all costs. It costs them time, energy, or even money sometimes.

I do not think it is wise to run away from the communication conflict all the time. But you should know the mechanisms and tips that will help you solve it.

Decide to resolve the conflict as soon as possible

The expressions that translate the fact of letting a problem grow are numerous: “do not let the situation fester,” “do not let the situation run” … Sometimes, you will not have any leeway to allow time to soothe the situation. This is particularly the case in the professional environment. You can not decide to leave 1 week to your colleague to take stock of the situation.

In this case, it will be necessary to settle the situation and the conflict during the day. This does not stop you from taking a moment to think about it alone. I also recommend taking a break to apply the bonus method of this article.

On the other hand, letting time slip can also be critical. This applies more in friendship or couples than in the workplace. You may tend to distance yourself from the person and forget about it for a while to calm the feelings you feel.

But it is at the risk of permanently forgetting the person and turning the page entirely without being able to return to the pre-conflict situation. In this case, the maximum time I recommend is 5 days.

Put yourself in the other’s shoes

Empathy is a quality we should all have. You can put yourself in someone’s shoes to better understand their point of view. With this attitude, you will be able to find solutions adapted to your interlocutor, friends, or colleague to resolve the conflict.

Because if you do not do this action, you will fall into a deaf speech. Both parties will only look at their own interests, and at this little game, talking to a wall will give the same effect.

It is also a skill that will allow you to be able to influence a person with whom you conflict. Indeed, you will be able to find the levers that will enable you to still keep your primary idea.

The goal is to make sure that the person does not realize it and thinks that the idea comes from itself, or that what you propose to him is more logical. In both cases, put yourself in his place and look for solutions that might suit him while thinking of your own interests.

Knowing how to compromise is useful

In most cases, conflicts with friends or colleagues occur because of poor communication and a point of friction. Typically, you want to do something a certain way, and your friend offers you another version. But you do not agree and make him understand vigorously and insistently.

He does not appreciate your behavior, and this turns in turn. Finally, this follows a deaf speech. And in the worst case, the objections of events of the past begin to emerge and fly within the communication.

To avoid this kind of situation, I always recommend you to compromise on your ideas. Remember one thing. Perfection is far from being quality. It will eat you a lot of time, on the preparation of a project, but can also force you to stay on your idea.

To give you my personal example, when I work in a group on the realization of a pitch (speech), I grant compromises permanently. Although I may have more knowledge and experience than my classmates on the subject of speaking out, the end result will never be 100% of my idea.

And even if what I could have proposed would have been better, I prefer a good team spirit and an average work, rather than a great job done by a torn team.

Bonus: make decisions without emotion

When you have a choice to make, I advise, in most cases, to be in a zero emotional state. This means that you are not angry or under the influence of intense joy. Emotions are compelling feelings, but they are ephemeral. Yet your decision will last in time.

So you can not be influenced by anything temporal to make a decision over a long period. It would be like saying you’ll never go to the gym, because at the moment T, you’re not motivated. Or the opposite, say that you will go every day, just because today you feel fit.

So you understand easily that you should not let your level of motivation, anger, or joy, influence big decisions. If you have a conflict to resolve with a friend, I recommend that you allow a little time to pass. The time it takes for your emotions to regain a level 0. You may think that this bonus principle is contradictory to the very first of the article.

In fact, we must resolve the situation as soon as possible, without your emotions coming into play. In some people, their feelings will take a day or a night to return to neutral. In others, it may take 3 days or even 1 week. Remember that we must do things as quickly as possible, but correctly!


To summarize, if you conflict with a friend, the first thing to do is to wait until your emotional level returns to 0. Then you will seek to understand the situation from all points of view of the protagonists. Finally, you will act as quickly as possible to resolve the conflict by learning to make concessions that will eventually be positive.


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